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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

March Madness

I said this already, but when God challenged me to be fearless in 2017, I had no idea what that was going to look like.
I'm not good at facing my fears. I tend to hide in the background rather than face things head on. I think He was laughing when He put this word on my heart because He knew how challenging it would be for me, while knowing all the while that it would mean I have to trust Him in ways I can't even begin to understand in this moment.
When He followed up "hey Emily, trust me and be fearless this year" with "trust me and be fearless this year by rappelling off a 6 story building in front of a group of people for a work event, and oh yeah it's going to be below freezing and raining that day and you're going to do it anyway", I could have died on the spot. I mean, excuse me WHAT the freaking what?!!
When I signed up to participate in the fundraise for Sunshine School, I never thought I would hit my goal and raise $1,000. (I really just wanted the Jack Links jerky gift box that was a gift to those who signed up first.) I kept saying "it's okay if I don't meet my goal, any money I raise will still be for a good cause"... aka: please don't let me raise the full amount because I might throw up or pee my pants or die if I have to actually rappel. But wouldn't you know, my people came through and I met my goal of $1,000, and I had to rappel off a 6 story building in the pouring, freezing rain. I couldn't feel my hands, so holding the rope was really difficult. I couldn't get a good grip on the wall, you know, because of all the freezing rain and such, so I was just panicked the whole time I was rappelling. I ended up in one of the last groups of the day, so I had worked myself into a mess by the time it was my turn. I actually called my mom to say goodbye- no laughing- because like what if I really fell and died? y'all it was ridiculous the amount of fear I had.
But you know what? I did it. I trusted Him. I trusted him enough to step off the roof of a building in the pouring, freezing rain. I trusted Him with my life, literally. and I survived. and I had a sense of pride and accomplishment in myself that I haven't felt in years, maybe if ever. It's so easy to avoid the hard things. It's so easy to stay home, to not face it, to avoid things and people and conversations, to just hide in the background like I prefer. But I didn't, and it felt so good
But God, my man, please don't make me step off any more roofs in the rain to be fearless. Can we make a deal that one time is enough? (ha, kidding, I already committed to do it again next round, Lord willing). 
cheers to being fearless. march was complete madness. and i loved it. 

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